By Maria Rodriguez
I am misunderstood, you are misunderstood, the world is misunderstood. Some people are misunderstood to have good intentions, as those with truly good intentions are misunderstood to be bad. There is a redundancy of the word “misunderstood” in this article. In this world, not a single person has lived a fully understood life. But we also don’t live a fully misunderstood life. That is the painful but somewhat “perfect” balance of life.
I often heard the saying by Stephen Covey: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” But aside from seeking first to understand, we must seek what’s important to understand. For wouldn’t it be a waste of time and cause a great deal of chaos if one tried to understand everything? We must balance what’s important and essential to nurturing one’s curiosity and relationship with a person; whether professional or personal. Curiosity is one-sided while a relationship has to be balanced (if not, it would be unhealthy).
One’s consistent effort to understand may cause a misunderstanding; because of such frequency, we over-understand, possibly causing a misunderstanding that we’re agreeing with the person we’re understanding. Agreeing and understanding are different things.
We must take the step to understand what’s both important to the person you care for and what’s crucial to enhancing your relationship. For sometimes, we often understand what’s important to us and not our loved one. Of course, to truly understand is to listen, but who (or what) are we listening to? We must be careful and selective. It certainly would be a waste of time to spend one whole day just listening to one and the same person. The same goes for listening to ourselves; what we think and feel may necessarily be wrong or right, so at times, we may need the guidance of others (from our parents and mentors ), seeking it through prayer.
And more often than not, the quality of the time one spends is more important than the quantity of time spent. You can understand so much more aspects and perspectives of a person just by intently paying attention. You can look at their eyes, they tell more than the mouth. Like in those good old pre-COVID-19 days, when once in a while, you meet someone (perhaps in the long line at the supermarket, or in the elevator) whom you will only spend an hour with for the rest of your life, but learn so much from. These types of people come randomly; sometimes one would accept the opportunity or pass it up. But the beauty if these brief once-in-a-lifetime encounters is that it’s a memorial example of how if only we would closely pay attention to the people we love, things won’t essentially get easier, but your relationship will grow deeper.