By Dr. Dencio Acop
LOVE is a big word. But often it is also used in a very small way. When you google it, LOVE is explained away in so many different ways, so many forms, and so many iterations that the big word actually loses its bigness. So I like to review it in the simplest of ways but nonetheless true. And I prefer the non-secular to the secular discourse merely because it is complete. ‘Four unique forms of love are found in Scripture. They are communicated through four Greek words (Eros, Storge, Philia, and Agape) and are characterized by romantic love, family love, brotherly love, and God’s divine love.’ While each is differentiated from the other types of love by means of its character, it must also be noted that Agape is the highest form of love and that all loves can aspire for it. No expression can perhaps better explain each type than real-life examples.
Eros is of course the love between a man and a woman that leads to marriage and family. It is an essential kind of love for without it the human species would have long been gone. It is also a fundamental bond between humans because of the intimacy it includes that is found nowhere else in other relationships. Since that intimacy is deepest among all other relationships, eros is meant to be exclusive only between two human beings. In fact, the exclusivity it demands reaches a point wherein the two become only one in almost every aspect of their bond. That is probably why a loss in such a bond is the deepest among griefs.
The love felt between and among family members is Storge. It is a deep affection shared by individuals who came into this world and evolved in it by virtue of blood affinity or upbringing. It is marked by constancy and regularity of nurturing and belongingness that some members could find hard to let go in later life. Storge develops the fundamental affection between adult and child that the latter capitalizes on later in adult life to move on to Eros and Philia, and perhaps Agape.
Philia is brotherly (and sisterly) love. It is the capacity to care for other human beings beyond spouse and family. It is the passion or empathy for others to be treated with the same respect and dignity as one’s own self and family. It is love of humanity. It is the love that empowered young men to fight and die for freedom in World War I and World War II. It was the love expressed by Chief Justice Jose Abad Santos when he chose to die for his country than bow to the enemy and serve him. It is in the words and deeds taken up by courageous men and women who spoke up against tyranny and oppression of those in power for freedom and democracy.
And there is Agape. That highest of loves which is so different from the other three because it is supernatural. Sometimes it is very difficult to explain what this love is to the uninitiated because it involves faith in a power beyond us all. Even if that higher power is LOVE precisely. The saints are of course the best resources of inspiration when it comes to this divine love. My faves are Saints Monica and Augustine because the former loved her unlovable husband and son by praying for them; and he by converting as a result of his mother’s incessant petitions for him and his father. Saints Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Stephen, Sebastian, the Apostles (all martyred), John Paul II, etc. who ‘felt’ Christ directly. But there are also so many, ordinary, unknown ‘saints’ in the world who die for Christ each day even if they are unheralded and totally anonymous. They are known only by their living lives faithful to the decalogue and beatitudes because of love for God.
Throughout human history, many Eros, Storges, and Philias have also actually reached Agape as they progressed. How many husbands and wives who truly loved each other also loved their children? How many wives and husbands likewise gave of themselves selflessly to genuine public service and philanthropy in service of humanity? How many husbands, fathers, sons, and brothers died in the many wars that plagued the history of man? How many men and women through time became priests and nuns shepherding the flock and spreading the word of God? When a husband cares for his dying wife, surrendering fate to the will of God! Or a sobbing wife doing all she could to save a dying husband! Or the sick or dying, who were once proud and unbelieving, finally driven to acknowledge mortality to the Immortal.
Now, not all is what it seems though. As there is also such a thing as a disorder to love. Which when fully dissected does not seem to be love at all. If it ever was in the first place. Anything disordered can lead to dysfunction. As in most anything, I’d say LOVE can be found only in its fruits. Love that is not merely word. But concrete action. They say love in action is charity. I say it is more. I say it is likewise empathy. Loving the other as other. The old Scripture once referred to it as ‘knowing’ the other. When we see the big picture and understand where the other is coming from, LOVE is there. When we subordinate our ego to this understanding until it hurts, LOVE is there. I echo Bishop Barron when he says: ‘Love or life is measured by how much of it was given away’. Love is not meant to be taken or stored. It is meant to be given until none is left. A lover is a giver. Not a taker. Love is not secular. If it was, it isn’t love. That is why all roads lead to Agape.