By Xenia S. Estrella
It doesn’t take a bad person to not be able to forgive. Good guys find it difficult, too! In any case, we all have to realize that forgiveness requires courage. Courage that ultimately serves us — ourselves — because it actually works to save us from bitterness, chaos and unrest.
I’ve often wondered about forgiveness. See, there have been a number of people who have come into, and gone from my life; some who left on good terms with me, and some who just left, leaving a broken relationship between us.
How should we measure forgiveness? When somebody wrongs us and leaves us out in the cold; then at some point in time, we say, “Oh, I’ve forgiven her; I just don’t want to see her anymore…”; is that genuine pardon? In another instance, are we truly letting-up when we feel awkward about mingling with an old adversary whom we’re supposed to have made up with already? Life could be quite confusing.
Not anymore. Forgiveness is basically letting go of our need to be right and vindicated, whether or not people who have wronged us deserve to be pardoned. It may not be easy to measure forgiveness because we may naturally want to tell ourselves we’re alright, but man’s ego does not make it easy to just let go of past hurts, when, obviously, ego favors ‘me, me, me’; forgiveness is more about, ‘give, give, give’.
Past hurts… It takes time for wounds to heal; some longer than others. This, of course, doesn’t mean we don’t have to medicate these wounds to encourage healing. When we’re hurt, it’s easy enough to stop moving for a while. It is extremely important that after some time of mourning, denial and anger though, whether we feel like getting past our hurts or not, we should actively allow healing to happen already so we can move on with our lives. Practicing some form of meditation, prayer, affirmation; finding our personal means of self-care, will definitely thwart man’s ego which has a tendency to prolong agony for self. We have to find the means to help ourselves along by consciously training to find the beauty in every situation, as well as reasons to keep ourselves calm and cool so we can experience the mood for forgiveness sooner rather than later.
When we lose touch with our forgiving selves, we instead start to create more problems for ourselves. Harbored anger, indifference, resentment and so many more negative feelings will eat into us and eventually affect our health and relationships with other people; possibly even people we care about. So, for those times when I’m unsure about it, I’ll just breathe. Then, I’ll ask myself, “are these breaths I’m taking, free-flowing? If I unexpectedly see people I don’t particularly like, can I look them in the eye and at least give a small smile and nod a, “hello”? If I can, then thank You, Lord. I have saved myself from unforgiveness.
We should never allow ourselves to be consumed by darkness because the world is just too beautiful to ignore. Genuine forgiveness will allow us to breathe easy because it lightens hearts, as it saves souls. Pain stays when we focus on it; but if we don’t, it will definitely go away, or not hurt as much anymore, at the least. It may not be easy, but, forgiveness brings peace of mind. Who wouldn’t want to have that!