By Xenia S. Estrella
It’s neither depression, nor anxiety. You’re not feeling lost or mentally imbalanced. You’re probably living a regular life; working, planning, calling with friends and family, and basically, feeling blessed. Still…why do you feel unhappy?
I am not a psychologist, or a psychiatrist. I did study coaching for 2 years at Master Coach University, where I immersed myself in assessment, strategy and accountability; coaching everyday for months at a time, following training courses that follow the standards of the International Coaching Federation; with other wonderful coaches who, like me, want to make the world a better place through this very powerful platform. Today, I do have clients, whom I feel I’m successfully supporting in finding clarity in the positions that they see themselves in; helping to realize why they are there and to see a clear path towards getting to where they want to go. I am no healer, but it does feel good to see people moving from possible misery to a place of courage and peace.
Instance #1
Alex has been living a dream bachelor life, as far as he can recall. He’s been blessed to always have a well-paying job; he’s always had time for his career and hobbies, and now he owns his own business where he can pretty much control his time and activities. Why does he feel unhappy?
Sadness may be caused by sleep and sunlight deprivation
Our first example, Alex, has been a night owl throughout his adult life. He started as a call center agent and had to get used to sleeping in the daytime, then continued with a nightlife routine even after he left his BPO job because of public relations work opportunities that he took. At 37 years old, when he started his own business and was able to finally be in control of his hours of work he was finding it very hard to fall asleep at night, so much so that he eventually felt the need to take a sleeping pill each night just to fall asleep. With coaching, Alex realized the dangerous path he’s created for himself. Although he’s doing well; being healthy and all, he knows lack of sleep can eventually cause havoc in his system so now, instead of just going with the flow that he’s been used to, he’s started to treat himself better. He’s added meditation and natural methods of self-care in order to relieve himself of stress so he can sleep. He also walks 5 km every morning now.
Instance #2
Leslie lives a very blessed life. She’s with a loving husband, beautiful, sweet kids and grandkids; she’s retired and has no need to worry about finances anymore. Still, there are days when she finds herself crying when she’s alone. She feels so ungrateful feeling this way, but she just can’t help but feel sad.
Sadness may be caused by holding on to the past and not accepting change.
Acceptance is the beginning of happiness. Leslie was a top executive for years and years, right before her retirement. When she started staying home, she found herself in a whole different world, cooped up and not having the kind of control over her family, as she did over her subordinates at work. It’ll take time for her to adjust to the situation, but with determination, habitual action and love, she’s finding her strength within her present, and starting to find happiness and peace in accepting defeat (sometimes) and diversity in personalities.
Instance #3
Rajah is a techie, and he’s very good at what he does at work. Well, he’s also such a nice guy — to a fault. He just says yes when colleagues ask him to do things for them, including joining on-the-spot meetings he doesn’t have to be at. He doesn’t think much of it — because he is a nice guy — but now, Raja’s wondering why he feels down and stressed out.
Sadness may be caused by self doubt.
Rajah, basically, needed to learn how to teach others how they should treat him. He thought being a yes-man meant strength on his part, and being a good follower all the time is good. When he realized his mishandling of situations and started to watch out for himself better, Rajah started to feel better about his personal and work life. No more surprise meetings (unless really necessary), and he doesn’t handle anything more than he can chew, anymore.
There’s so much more to coaching; but, it all comes down to this: Life is simple. It’s all about choices. Everyone has weaknesses and it is each one’s duty to accept whatever those weaknesses are; for it is by these same weaknesses that strength and courage can come from. Strength and courage that may serve as a catapult that could bring genuine peace and happiness to every individual.
I saw this post the other day: “The sun, too, is alone, but it continues to shine.”
Don’t allow sadness to confuse you about the beauty of the world. It’s ok to feel lousy; just get over it at some point and keep on striving to be the best you that you can be. Let Xenia’E help you. Gear up for happiness!
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