People just get used to routine.  Throughout life though, in order to reach success of any sort, routines need to change every now and then, whether by will or necessity.  

“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities!  Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.” – Norman Vincent Peale

If your daily routine keeps you from building enough confidence within yourself so you can serve others well, then you have to come out of your shell.  It’s not about wanting it; it’s about having to do it because you’re alive and you want to actually live out your life to the fullest.  No man can expect to succeed without having to relate with anyone.   It may be a daunting thought to anybody who doesn’t feel comfortable relating to others, but you have to do it, sometime.  Now is the time!  Don’t worry.  

1. Find the inspiration to be your own best friend, not your worst critic… most of the time.

There is no need to worry about being the best of the best. Just do your best, then keep on learning. Take a new course; join a group in your community. Find a way to be of service to others by being of service to yourself, first.  Encouraging yourself to learn and move forward instead of drilling your inadequacies into your head, will surely spark enough good vibes and grit within you.

While I was working on getting a degree taking a correspondence course, I was so conscious about what other people thought about students who didn’t attend a physical university.  So, I made sure I was ravaging books every week. I was pushing myself to study well, exercise, and prepare for my future where I knew I would need to converse with people. I took note of unfamiliar words from these writings in order to expand my vocabulary, too.  By the time I finished my degree, I knew I wasn’t perfect but I gathered a higher level of confidence that I appreciated meeting people outside my circle of friends.  I felt quite good about myself.

Everyone has good and bad days; days when those “feeling like a monk”, moments creep up on you and you just want to be alone.  That’s ok.  Those days can be spent in contemplation, and maybe  reading up on books that will inspire you.  Take down notes.  Take on a craft, too.  

Think about it.  Other than of course, facing their problems at some point, people who get sad need to find productive things to do in order to keep their minds off themselves, their frustrations, their sadness.  Productivity to the 17 year old me who didn’t do much but study and exercise meant doing well while in my “isolation” state.  So, developing my skills on my own was necessary.  I took a correspondence course when home-schooling wasn’t taken seriously, yet, in my country.  I sincerely felt I wanted to make sure that studying from home certainly didn’t mean less discipline and skill.

1. The smallest things matter, but don’t sweat the small stuff.

So, you see yourself as anti-social. 

Call me a geek, but finding a new word from a book or magazine excites me until now.  While in “seclusion”, during my teens (of course it wasn’t that bad), I looked forward to Repertory Philippines season tickets everytime, while I did my school work at home.  I appreciated every activity I did with the people around me — my family, friends, colleagues. I knew from the very beginning that every bit of knowledge I added to that stockpile in my brain could, in one way or another, help me build a better future for myself.

On the other hand, I didn’t sweat the small stuff.  I did not dare find time to pity myself. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.  

So I was paralyzed. I practically couldn’t function alone in the beginning. Not even on my bed to turn to my side! And when i started to walk, I was very slow. My muscles were still very weak and I couldn’t run.  I still can’t run now! Well, i can, but I’d be tripping after a few steps, for sure, if I did! So I don’t.  I never let the small stuff bug me because there are always bigger blessings to cover up every annoying inadequacy. Seeing those blessings despite all the obstacles make situations worthwhile.

1. I talk to myself, but not totally (just a little bit!), like a crazy person.

I said in the beginning that I was my own best friend.  Take it literally.  I talked to myself, too!  Every time I felt the need for support, I told myself I could do it.  I was my own “tiny voice in my head”, who pushed me to move forward; to take a small step, one bit at a time.

1. What people thought about me became none of my business.

You know those kinds of looks.  People passing by who stare and give you head-to-toe looks as if to say, “What a waste”, or “Eewww”.  I don’t bother with those people.  Their ignorance is not my problem.  I focus on my well-being, not their insecurities.

1. Keep in mind that we are all the same.  We are all just people.

Well, duuh.  Just stop with the buts (but she’s prettier, she’s more successful, but she can do anything), 

“Do not compare yourself with others, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” (excerpt from Desiderata) You are also prettier, you are more successful, and you can do anything, too.

And stop with the, “if only” (if only I were stronger, if only I’d be given the opportunity, if only somebody could help me).  

You can be stronger, you can find opportunities all around you, and believe that people are inherently good.  Somebody will always be out there to give a helping hand.  Hey, reach out to this community.  I’m very sure you’ll find helping hands.

Your destiny depends on the choices you make each day.  Right now, you have to grab instances that you know will allow you to keep your chin up despite anything.  Love yourself.  Small steps, but you gotta take them.

As the cliché goes, “If it has to be, it’s all up to me”.

By Xenia S. Estrella

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“On particularly rough days when I’m sure I can’t possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for going through bad days so far is 100%, and that’s pretty good.” – Vinny Genovesi

“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.” – Bruce Lee

Aahhh… the power of positive thinking.  Everyone really needs to give into this concept.  It’s always better to see things as happening “for you”, not “to you”, simply because, it’s true!  If you seriously think about it, great lessons always come out of any given situation (ok, they don’t have to be great all the time, but you get my point). What you do with these lessons is crucial.  See, positivity quotes can only go so far.  They’re great for inspiration; these can always bring about “a-ha!”, and feel good moments, which are very good.  These feelings are all that it’s gonna be for you, though, if all you do is collect quotes.

I re-read Robert Kiyosaki’s book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, just the other week.  I remember going through it for the first time in the early 2000’s and I gained a lot of insight.  I may or may not have constantly followed every financial tactic he shared there all these years, but the key points he made throughout the book definitely made a huge impact in the way I think about life.

Positivity is good but not moving to get better will just allow you to slump back.

Problems and obstacles come with being alive.  Times may be difficult when you have burdens to carry but there is always hope unless you refuse to accept your pain, stop persevering to work through it and give up.  Holding on to a spark; trying hard to get better because you tell yourself good times are coming, will help you endure pain, find solutions and bring about healing.

Life pushing you around is life talking to you.

“Nothing good ever happens to me!”, or, “Why does God hate me so much!”, are merely exclamations supposedly made in sarcasm and, really, should not be given much thought.  However.  If you say these lines to mean them from your heart, my friend, STOP. You’re getting yourself in deeper trouble.  You gotta see things from a different point of view.  Why? Because, we make choices everyday. 

Let me give you some examples:

A broken heart?  You can choose to cry for a while (maybe three months to a year?), then bury that source of bitterness, in your head (seriously imagine.  Picture the coffin actually going underground!) and move on to be a better you, after;  

Are finances limited? You can choose to be thankful for the lousy-paying job that you have right now.  Open yourself up and be ready for the possibility to receive a better-paying job soon, while devouring materials online during your free time (or time that you might need to consciously make for yourself) to learn a new skill or hone a passion that can help you earn more in the future, too;  

Are you having difficulty accepting a sickness, whether your own or in the family?  Still, cry.  It’s ok.  Being in that kind of a situation is understandably heartbreaking.  But after your moments with tears, you can choose to find the strength in your heart to bravely carry your cross and do everything in your power to overcome.  Read books, watch and learn from documentaries, seek help.

We all have tremendous potential. We all are blessed with gifts.  There’s just a lack of confidence. Some, more than others.

Positivity is a gift that can bring out your full potential.  You are able to accept circumstances because of it.  You are able to get through each day with this powerful tool.  Be careful about complacency, because positivity alone cannot change outcomes.  It is not a magic pill that can suddenly shift circumstances to bring about changes in your life.  Positivity gets you through your day’s fears and anxieties, but you’ll still be fearful and anxious tomorrow which positivity will help you get through again.  It is not enough to get by, though.  In order to use the gifts you are blessed with; in order to reach your full potential,  you have to decide to take action.  You can be hopeful and patient  as much as you want but actual changes won’t happen if that’s all you got.  So, face that fear; get past your insecurities.  Know that everybody has his own ‘vulnerable moments’; winners just don’t allow such moments to define them.  You are a winner.  Push yourself to go beyond what’s comfortable and do what you need in order to see actual changes in your life results.

Life isn’t fair and you expecting it to run against its true nature, for you, is only gonna leave you feeling so defeated.  That’s why, you have to see your power.  You have to realize that amidst all this chaos you have it in you to move, even just one step at a time, to conquer your fears and ultimately live the kind of happy life that you deserve.  For sure.

See more of Xenia, at https://xeniae.com

Book a coaching session, at https://calendly.com/xeniae/discovery

When the prince in the original Sleeping Beauty story lost his sight as he fell into the giant thorn bush that the evil queen magically made to appear, he had two choices:  To either wallow in self pity and just stay there to die, or, as he chose, to find it within himself to get out of that mess and still find his lady love despite all obstacles. The story ended happily, with the prince and Sleeping Beauty finding their way back to each other’s arms.

Hmm…  I love it when fairy tales not only fluff up stories with songs, but also show strength in its characters within the storyline.  The part I recalled in Sleeping Beauty, obviously, doesn’t have to be sung, but everyone needs to understand that there is an important message in there that has so much to do with real life and so seriously needs to be taken in.  Let me break down my insights for you.

If you are somebody who’s been through difficulties in life (and unless you’re a toddler, I think I’m talking to everyone reading this post), who may think you’re so, “over”, being a victim of circumstance now (good for you!) and that you’re ready for a change; if you have some issues that need to be resolved, maybe now you’re set about wanting to make your dreams come true; this article is for you..  

Making your dreams come true… what does that actually entail? Definitely, determination and hard work.  As I’ve been immersing myself in coaching these past few years, I have noticed that I’ve become more sensitive to people’s habits and reactions.  A lot of my clients, including myself (still) and people I know and love, tend to be aware of some  changes  that need to happen from within.  Sticking to action steps in order to get to those changes is hard to do, though; much like fulfilling a new year’s resolution.  

Being set and actually working hard everyday to conquer each and every step you need to take on in order to achieve success, are two completely different things.   The prince we were just talking about, knew that he was in for a lot of hardships.  Still, love gave him the power of determination and persistence.

COMMIT TO THE PROCESS.  This is the only way to get whatever you want.  Knowing that you need to do particular things doesn’t mean much unless you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and actually advance to meet challenges head-on — consistently.

1. Exercise

• If you have a physical weakness, this is a must-do.  Muscles won’t get strengthened if you don’t.
• If you feel too sad to do anything, push yourself to get up.  You don’t need to go out. Climb up and down your steps at home for 10 minutes everyday; walk or jog around your dining table to get your blood circulating.  That’ll get your happy hormones working, therefore you’re bound to feel better.
• Build up your self-esteem with meditation and affirmations.  A positive mindset, with action, is needed to be able to conquer the world.

2. Calendar your schedules and consistently follow your daily to-do list.

• If you’re aiming to start a business or aiming to finish a project, you must stick to your schedule, no matter how boring, simple or tedious the necessary action steps you’ll need to take can be.  Remember, progress comes with discomfort. You won’t reach your goals if you just “do it tomorrow”, or “sleep on it”, because today sucks.  This being said, understand that you can still move your schedules around if you need to.  Just stay true to your commitment to your plans to work.
  
  There are more ways to move in order to live your best life.  Starting may very well be the most difficult step to change.  Just do it!  Let’s all seriously work on beating the odds, whatever this may mean for each one of us

Life isn’t simple anymore. There’s great power to KNOWING ALL in a single click of a mouse, so humanity tends to accept the responsibility of BEING ALL, because of it. Competition is getting more and more fierce; more pressure is felt; stress levels go up; those of us who aren’t ready for battle are gonna fail, fall into depression, maybe question everything about life for a while — hopefully to get up from the slump at some point.

Unfortunately, there are some who need a bit more help, a little more push, to get back on track.

I am here with you today because focus is necessary in life. So much is going on, all at the same time; we cannot lose our guard, ever, and be too overwhelmed into losing what’s important to us — confidence, perseverance and faith.

One of my clients, Joe (not his real name), was at his A-game; marketing and selling his business to clients for years and years, until tragedy struck and he fell into depression and developed PTSD. Practically overnight, he changed from a carefree individual into a man paralyzed with fear at the mere mention of the experience he has oh-so-been wanting to just forget about but at the same time, cannot live without thinking about for 5 years now. He keeps on replaying his nightmare of an experience to himself, therefore stopping himself from reaching actual goals and pursuing new dreams.

Joe has had breakthroughs and small changes; I’m ecstatic to have seen improvements in him in these 10 months of our coaching sessions so far. He’s also been seeing a psychiatrist, so he’s doing better in his days. I am confident that if he keeps on walking this path of self-improvement, very soon he can totally get back his mojo, and again, conquer the world.

Life is about pleasure and pain. We do things to seek pleasure and avoid other things to steer clear of pain. However much we try to avoid feeling pain though, it is inevitable to bump into it at different points in our lifetime. Life, being how it is, can sometimes confuse us to thinking that particular instances happening to us, define who we truly are. Limiting beliefs and fears come up; what once would’ve been safe and acceptable becomes too damaging and unbearable. The result? People come short of their full potential. Like Joe, for example. He is very much aware of his limiting beliefs, however, he’s still finding his way, one small step at a time, to completely shift his perspective to form new habits and behaviors that can ultimately crush the power of fear in him.

Let me share 3 crucial ways that have been proven to lighten any heavy load that life can throw at us.

Focus on the essentials

Frightful instances may come our way everyday but we don’t have to concentrate on seeing all this negative energy. Focus on what’s important. Self-improvement, love for family, business goals, spiritual growth. These are the things that we actually stare into and actively take action on. Whatever’s on the side is just on the side. Focus, focus, focus.

Accept your circumstance

When life gives you lemons, don’t throw these blessings away. Do make lemonade!

Acceptance is the beginning of happiness. We are where we are. We accept and then move to make sure that everyday we stay happy or move forward to get better at whatever it is that’s important to us, each day. Whatever your weakness or situation may be, acknowledge this and accept it. Then, discover ways to work around it to make sure you’re finding actionable steps to cope and be a better you. Pray. Meditate. Exercise, rest and drink lots of fluids.

Practice being comfortable with discomfort

Discomfort in self-improvement is a sign of progress. You have to get out of your comfort zone to stretch your growth muscles for development and recover from any form of slump. Be ok with losing, and have a Super Mario effect, kind of disposition. That is, to be ok with pitfalls. Just keep on pushing; keep your eyes on your goal, or if you were Mario, the princess prize.

Whatever your situation in life is; it’s gonna be OK. Just do your best to keep yourself afloat. And, keep the faith. Believe that things are bound to get better. They always do. It may take time, but you have to keep pushing. Never give up.

Remember, what we think, we create!

To know more about me, please visit, https://xeniae.com

Have you ever felt so helpless and yet so brave at the same time?  

We all have stories that happen for us (not to us) so we can draw strength from these and move on to become better versions of ourselves each time.  In this first article, I’d like to introduce myself to you, by sharing the most pivotal experience in my life, which completely shifted my points of view and belief system, and ultimately molded me into the kind of person that I am today.  I hope to resonate with even one person out there who needs to know that you are enough; life is what you make of it; and, that your unfortunate experiences naturally hurt, but these do not, in any way, have to define who you are.

I was 17 years old when I woke up at the Makati Medical Center with a bonnet on my head.  Apparently, I had been in the hospital for 2 weeks already.  I wasn’t surprised.  I’d been hospitalized 2 times before (this was my 3rd consecutive year in the same hospital!).  What was surprising was the bonnet on my head, because it wasn’t a part of either of my previous hospitalizations.

I hemorrhaged at 15, 16 and 17 years old because of a congenital brain deformity called Arteriovenous Malformation, which at that time was still inoperable.  At 15 and 16, I spent 2 weeks in the hospital, 2 weeks at home, then went back to school as if nothing happened (except my face was bloated because of steroids that I had to take).  At 17 years old, I hemorrhaged again.  This time though, the bleeding was quite massive that the doctors had to perform brain surgery on me.  I woke up completely paralyzed on my left side after 3 days of being in a coma.  Thus, the bonnet.  My hair had to be shaven off to prepare for the surgery.  Incidentally, I hold deep gratitude to the person who knew to leave a clump of long hair at the bottom of my head, near my nape, so I could have this to hold on to — and not be too “in shock” that I was missing hair — when I woke up and actually felt for my locks.

Needless to say, I felt so alone when at 17 years old I was basically forced to leave formal schooling so I could consistently exercise for 3 hours every single day for 5 years, as I re-learned how to move.  Thanks to mostly my mom’s invariably strong will and good examples, though, that feeling of being alone did not really last.  I was always made very aware of my worth.  So, even when I was at my lowest points, my determination to live a full, happy life was intact.  I mean, I wasn’t a super woman.  I had my fair share of comparing myself to others and longing for opportunities other people had.  I sobbed a lot… no, wailed a lot, actually.  But no obstacle was too big for me to not eventually handle. So, despite anxiety, I exercised; I studied well; read books; I sang. In the beginning, I sang until my weak singing muscles got strong enough to walk its way to joining a choir in church to praise the Lord for His awesome kindness.

When I started working I received my blessings with open arms and I didn’t (much) complain about bumps (ok, I did.  But, hey, I’m only human). I took necessary detours that brought me away from what I thought I had wanted for myself, where I found gifts abounding in the end. 

Today, I have a beautiful 11-year-old daughter whose mere laughter can serve as the highlight of my day. I could be so sad, cause her dad is not with us (that’s, maybe, a story for another day), but now I have my friends and the kindest man backing me up.  My wonderful family is still here, too, loving me despite days when we may feel like leaving each other behind! 

Life is not perfect, but it is beautiful.  Believe this to be true.

Visit my website at https://xeniae.com